Tell Him
by Casualis
Summary: Warning: Slash. Remembrance on the eve before the destruction of Gondolin. Ecthelion,Fingolfin.


**Tell Him   
**

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**Author:** Casualis  
**Beta:** DA  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Pairing**: Fingolfin/Ecthelion  
**Warning**: Slash**  
Summary: **Remembrance on the eve before the destruction of Gondolin 

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If you are reading these words, then I have not written this in vain. I will not waste what little time I have left with a lengthy thank you. Know just that I am genuinely grateful that the Valar have granted me this last wish. Strange as it may sound to you, these words are certainly my last thoughts…the last mark I will leave on these lands.

Still, I do not know what to say. There is too much to tell and so little time left.

My last living hours remind me much of the first hours we spent on the lands of Arda. The early hours of this age have faded but they have still left their imprint on my soul. The world as we know it now had just begun. We had left the Blessed Lands, survived the frozen fogs of the Hëlcaraxe, and the terrible battles against the Dark Lord of the Lesser Lands had left us weary.

These are words that can be recorded in books and stored in the great libraries that our kin cherish so much. I have read the books and it had seemed like I had discovered the past for the first time as though I had not been a part of it. They were the expressions used by those who had not been a part of the story, for ours is not a tale that is easily told. Even though we are proficient with words, some things escape the realm of tales. Of that time, I have only kept the feelings of panic, fear, and the growing discovery that there was more to this than unconscious bravery.

It was a time of chaos…a pure and simple mayhem that had swallowed all we had known then and whose rhythm had been dictated by the march of Melkor's armies. I can still hear their pace when nightmares invade my nights and in those vague moments, my heart seems to still beat in tune with them.

This day marks the return of the fear as danger lurks at our doors. The enemy is silent tonight and its approach is only marked with the burning horizon. This time, the rhythm of chaos is dictated by the sobs of our women and children, but they are smothered by the heaviness of the night. They run but they have nowhere to go. Turgon's fortress was their protection and will become their doom. Soon...too soon...Balrogs and firedrakes will battle our walls. Too few are we to hope for survival.

Tomorrow, Gondolin, the city with seven names and Turgon's arrogant dream of peace will be no more.

Tomorrow, I will be no more.

I fear neither death nor oblivion. I do not write this letter to be remembered but because I do not wish my greatest secret to know the same fate as me in the ashes of Ondolindë. I want it to survive the fires and reach the one who has a right to my secret. I want someone to know that Ecthelion of the Fountain loved Fingolfin, High King of the Noldor, so that when the time comes for him to walk this world again, someone will tell him what I did not dare to say all those years back.

On the High King's grave, I had sworn that I would be there to claim him. But tonight, I know that once more my duty to Gondolin will take over the oath I swore to my love.

Tell him, you who will survive. Tell him when you reach Valinor that I love him. Ask him to wait for me in the way that I had hoped to wait for him. Ask him, please. Beg forgiveness in my place for not knowing better what was in my heart.

To understand why I ask this of you, I will have to tell you a story. It will not be a perfect tale, for I am not a weaver of words and this is not of the stuff of legend. But it will be our story and it is dear to my heart.

As far as my memory reaches, I find only memories of love when I think of him. There was never a time when Fingolfin was not at my side, my faithful playmate, my sworn brother, the shadow of my shadow. We were simple Elves then. We had no responsibility to bear, our lives the only one we had to care for. This time of carelessness feels still like the first kiss we exchanged.

Tell him of that kiss in our shadowed glade…Tell him of the unique scent of that moment: fresh water, green pines, and sweet honey mixed with the most intimate minute of my life. Two virgin souls meeting for the first time.

It was an innocent kiss and there was no other for a long time.

With the passing of years, we grew apart. It was not an abrupt change that brought grief to our hearts. We simply chose different paths and I forgot our time together or, at least, I forgot what it used to mean to me. He took a Vanyarin wife and I had many lovers. I do not believe that any of us ever thought of our past friendship.

But we were brought back together by the most unexpected events. Darkness engulfed Aman and we were swept along by the tempest that followed. I refuse to dwell on the events that led us to leave the care of the Valar. I will think no more of the ice and the cold that burns through you until it reaches your very core. But I will never regret the journey, for it forged our friendship anew. We walked together, trying to support each other and slept close, taking in each other's precious warmth.

Tell him it was during one of those nights that I recalled our first kiss.

Many families were torn apart those days as the Vanyar and the Teleri refused to leave the care of the Valar and the beauty of the Blessed Shores. Fingolfin's wife was one of them. They parted in anger and bitterness and with his leaving, their marriage was no more. That is why I did not shy away when one night he took my hand into his.

Tell him of how he held me against his chest to keep me warm and that I still recall his gaze that begged me not to leave him while his breath caressed my frozen skin in a heated touch and his words that awoke in me a fire that no cold could smother. Remind him of the frenzied kisses that were innocent no more.

That time of grief turned into a time of joy for us. When we reached solid ground, we embraced tightly. We were tired and worn but alive and hungry for the new life that was offered to us. Our first days were spent exploring the world around us, marvelling at the novelty of what our eyes found.

We made love for the first time in a green plain bordered with high mountains. I will never forget this moment. He was beautiful, my lover. His face was lean and expressive and his green eyes deep and animated. His strong hands shed my clothes and caressed my skin before he kissed every part of my body reverently. Then, his lips were upon mine and I will say no more, for there are things that none should know except us.

When we rose, night was upon us and a foggy brume had risen. He laughed at me and told me, "I like it here. I do not feel like ever leaving…" Then, he kissed me anew and informed me that this place would be where he would build our future home. Laughter and love were in his eyes and I lost myself in them once more.

He named the plain Hisilomë…Hithlum.

Days passed quickly after that. We worked alongside each other to build the place that would host all those who had chosen to follow us. We extracted the rocks from the ground and turned them into graceful arches. Smiths, weavers, and carpenters would work tirelessly to make it a place of comfort and beauty. Every night we made love in the plain under the light of the stars.

It was our dream and we made it come true. We worked hand in hand and side by side and in the end, that was it. Hithlum…place that I shall always call home. When the city fell to the Dark Lord's hands, I cried. It was as though I had lost my love twice.

Gondolin is beautiful and eerie in a way that the old city of Hithlum was not. Here, light and water play with the wind to compose a twirling symphony. Hithlum had belonged to the earth…beautiful but designed to withstand a siege.

Tell him of the first night we slept in our rooms…of the first time he laid me upon the soft mattress of our bed.

But it could not last forever. In Arda, nothing is everlasting. The earth itself relishes upon changes and movement. It is a land designed for the After-comers. One day, my lover was free…The day after, he was made King.

Remind him of the nights when he wept in my arms. A second son turned into a King. Soon, too soon, the part of him that was King took over the one that was my love. This power changed him, bending who he truly was under the weight of its burdens. I watched over him for as long as I could stand to.

His anger and his burdens came between us. Often would we fight over little things…things that had no importance but which served to make us forget what was in our hearts and really mattered.

Tell him of the day when I rode to Nevrast and left with Glorfindel for Gondolin. I ran away. We had fought once more over something long forgotten. And in my heart, I wanted him to realize what he was doing to us. I was afraid that if I stayed those quarrels of ours would turn my love into hate. I ran as far as I could…not realizing what I agreed to when I followed Turgon. For one who enters Gondolin is fated to remain behind its walls.

I did not see him for three hundred years and there was not a day that I didn't regret my harsh move. I argued with my lover's son that he allow me to return to my heart's desire. He refused and I argued more and more. On the day that we rode to war, he agreed to let me go and it was with a joyful heart that I went to my doom.

Tell him of my tears when I saw him face Melkor. Tell him of my broken heart when I came to realize there would be no forgiving and no reunion. Time had come between us in the harshest way possible.

For many, he will remain the greatest King of the Noldor…a legend. But what I remember is the Elf of few words that was my love. I remember his laugh and his smile, how he would sing to the star. He loved life, my Fingolfin. He loved me…and I was not the lover he deserved.

There is so much that time cannot erase. I have borne all of this with me for nigh unto three centuries. The only thing that enabled me to go on was the knowledge of this love we shared.

It is time for me now to stop. The cries have reached my House. Death is on my doorstep and it is only befitting that I shall be the one who greets it. I will give this letter to one who has a chance of survival. I do not know if someone will read my words or if my plea shall not go unheard but, if the Valar willed that my dearest wish became true, then please heed the last plea of an Elf who was fool enough not to know what he had. Tell him that he was my light and that I love him beyond everything…beyond death and cold and fear. Tell him that I will come back and finally claim what was mine to take all those years ago.

_Ecthelion of the Fountain._

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**The end**


End file.
